RETRO REBOOT | Toxic Crusaders (Sega Genesis)

Created by Lloyd Kaufmann's Troma Entertainment, The Toxic Avenger was a foul independent movie that overstepped boundaries for violence, gore, and tasteless appeal. I remember watching it when I was incredibly young (maybe 4 or so?). I also recall seeing the sex comedy Evil Toons when I was 9. Yeah, our dad had about as much regard for the material we ingested as current FDA regulations have for the amount of microplastics we ingest in our drinking water.

I think it was the first anti-superhero movie I had ever seen. And since it was a piece of entertainment that offended conventional patrons, naturally, it meant there was room for an animated program for kids to push a toy line. It's strange that things like Alien, Rambo, and RoboCop, all rated-R films, were converted into toys, cartoons, or video games. Therefore, we get The Toxic Crusaders for the Sega Genesis.

Based on the TV series, where Toxie has two mutant teammates, NoZone and Junkyard, to battle the Smogulans. Like the movie, I barely remember the series, but do recall spending a weekend with this game. It was released in 1992 and developed by British studio Infogrames (who would later be bought out by AND BECOME the current incarnation of Atari. What a strange set of circumstances the world of gaming has become...

SO what else do you do with an intellectual property in the early 90's? Why, you make it a side-scrolling beat'em up, of course! The glow of Double Dragon was wearing thin, as companies like Sega, Konami, and Capcom began the fill in the market with nuanced battlers like Final Fight, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Streets of Rage. Even by 1992 standards, I thought this was a fairly lackluster brawler with...eh...middling appeal. The visuals aren't too bad, frankly, it's got a vibrant look to it and emulates the cartoon well enough. There isn't any lag or heavy amounts of graphical glitching, but the animation can be a little choppy. Stage variation is fine, some levels even include a bit of platform jumping (that isn't as easy as it sounds.

The controls are where Toxic Crusaders dissolves in a drum filled with environmental waste. Your hurt box feels unusually large, and maneuverability is incredibly slippery. Trying to avoid hazards like pools of water that face at an angle (which results in instant death) becomes an arduous task while fighting off enemies. They aren't HP sponges, but trying to get them into the rhythm of doing real damage without taking damage lights a fire under me. They're always going to get a shot in.

Attacking is a good idea in concept, but comes off a little awkward. In Toxic Crusaders, they actually added long range attacks to accommodate short range offense. The tricky part is nailing down the science of knowing how far away you have to be to trigger the projectile, since it's automatic. When closing the distance, it becomes a melee attack, so defending oneself is quite the task.

With the blend of some side-scrolling shooter portions, it is a break in some of the monotony of the button mashing. Buuuut these sections are also heavy button mashing insanity. I guess it controls slightly better, but the wave of enemies and erratic movements makes it fairly frustrating.

There's only six stages, but it feels like it drags. Toxic gets aid from Blobbie, who rests on his shoulder and follows around levels. Beyond that, there is little difference in how he controls from NoZone and Junkyard. Perhaps more fun can be had in the two-player mode, but I don't have the energy to torture anyone I know by playing this. Toxic Crusaders had pretty bad versions on the NES and Game Boy, but the Genesis is easily the worst, as far as I'm concerned. The challenge feels hard for the wrong reasons, the visuals are decent enough (even some good parallax scrolling), and the action is just fairly repetitive.